Hey Lou Writes

The Grey Matters

What I Want (Spiritual Gifts Included)

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I came across a list on my Pinterest page of 20 Questions Every Woman Should Ask Herself.

Therefore, my next twenty blog posts will be the answers to these questions. This isn’t because I think my answers are so important, but I do love the questions. I think my answers just might resonate with someone else, or make you answer them in your own, unique way.

Question One: What Do I Really Want In This Moment?

Well, in this very moment, I want to feel peace that isn’t necessarily there. It’s been one of those days, and I actually feel like writing is the only thing that will bring me to a place where I can sleep in a few hours.

But in the larger moment, that is this point in my life, I want to be able to use what I’ve experienced to help others. That’s why I write. When I look back on my very first blog, I see that I wasn’t sure where I was going with Hey Lou Writes. It was my 23rd birthday and I thought I was going to be a fictional writer primarily, yet years later, here I am, none of my fictional stories have been published, and I’m mostly writing about my life. My personal life. 

No life has been easy. I cannot think of a single person who hasn’t had a trial or good cry. Some people help others by sharing their stories with the youth group they help out with. Some people have babies and use their own story in order to propel their child’s life forward in a positive way. Some people are pastors and shout their stories out in the pulpit, sometimes even embarrassing their kids in the process (I loved it, dad.) My twin uses her life to write songs. I feel lucky enough to know the personal, detailed story behind almost every single one of her lyrics.

These are all spiritual gifts. God didn’t bless me with the amazing ability to teach, even though I have a degree for it. God didn’t (yet?) bless me with my own children, but he gave me three to help raise. And God didn’t bless me with the the perfect words… but for some reason I feel the urge from my heart all the way to my fingertips to write, write, write, and never stop writing. In fact, the only time I feel truly depressed or stuck is when the thought of no longer sharing my story crosses my mind.

When I faced cruelty in school (someday I’ll share all about why I shaved my armpits for the first time), mean girls (who still exist in the adult world) and relationships that made me question my own love for myself (body image, anyone?), there was a time when I had no idea how to rise above it and see the good. I couldn’t even be the one to speak up in a group of more than three people… unless it was at my family dinner table.

I’ve found that my story can be shared only through my spiritual gift, one that I am just recently realizing. Writing. And the way I have seen this pay off isn’t through money or fame or anything tangible, but through the few people (mostly women) who have contacted me to let me know that my story resonated with them. That something I once wrote helped them through a rough day. That something I’ve been through… they’ve been through it, too.

All I really want is for people to know that their life story is unique, but also connected to others. You are unique, but you aren’t alone. I searched and searched for the right blog post about divorce when I was going through one. I practically begged my google search box to show me how to be a good step parent. But you know what? These things didn’t exist — at least not for me. I had to create them by sharing my own journey and by sometimes embarrassingly telling the world (aka the few people who read this!) that everything was messed up. And then joyfully telling them that hey, things are looking up.

So that’s my answer. I want to help people, not because I think they need my help, but because I hope beyond hope that my trials can be for a reason. One thing I considered, was maybe that was a selfish hope. I don’t want all of the tears and pain I’ve felt to be in vain. I also know that if my story can make at least one person feel less alone, than perhaps my mission is complete. I’ve had this happen a few times, and it filled me with such peace and joy and calm, that I realized I could probably never stop. So… maybe the new goal is one person every so often. ;) 

That’s what I REALLY WANT! Your goals are your own. Your wants and wishes are your own, too. And we are all motivated by hope (even if you don’t think you have any).

May your spiritual gifts lead to somewhere… especially if you don’t yet know where that is.

makaria knows

Love, Lou (who can only help others because others have shown her the way)

27 seconds well used is a lifetime.

Author: Melinda Haas

Melinda is a writer, blogger, artist and teacher. She lives in Wisconsin with her family.

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