Number 13 in my 20 Questions Every Woman Should Ask Herself series can be answered in a short and sweet manner.
Do I know the sound of my own true voice?
The answer is yes, but it took a while to get there.
Literally, this is a funny one, because I have always hated hearing myself on a recording. Well, just the other day we were watching some fun family videos before bedtime (one where I am talking quite a bit) and one of my stepdaughters said, “Melinda, that is NOT how you usually sound!! Your voice is so different!” And the other kids agreed. I couldn’t have been more thrilled.
So, also literally, I guess I have no idea what my voice really sounds like.
In a less literal, more spiritual sense, I do. I know what my voice sounds like. I know how I want to be and I know how I really am. There is a small rift between the two at times, but as I learn, it’s growing smaller and smaller.
There have been a few moments that have caused the rift to decrease. These moments include brutal and beautiful honesty between my husband and me. When I hear myself, true to my own heart and speaking with love, that’s when I know I’m there. When my husband speaks to me with love and honesty and gentleness (I’ll be honest, he is way more gentle-spirited than I am), I can see and hear my own voice better as well. We are one through marriage, so having that anchor helps bring me home.
These moments of rift-decreasing also include hearing what I say in difficult situations.
Not too long ago, we experienced what I would call a tragic moment in our own household. I held my oldest stepdaughter tight and repeated, “You know your heart. You know your truth,” as she cried and as I heard myself speak, I knew I had the Holy Spirit surrounding me and speaking through me. That connection will never go away and it is TRUTH, all around. I ask for it to shield me, give me wisdom and give me patience.
When I fall from this, which is often, I don’t really like the sound of my voice (though, in my own defense, when I’m angry, I tend to give the silent treatment.) I don’t like sounding irritated or short with those I love.
But as love in my life increases and security, support and graciousness abound, the sound of my own true voice grows louder and stronger. I especially hear myself in quiet, peaceful moments. Sometimes all I do is look into the eyes of my husband, and I feel like I am shouting my true self across the mountain tops.
And I can only thank God for that.
Love, Lou (who likes quiet moments like these)