The Grey Matters.
For one, life isn’t back and white (we all know this.) And for those of you who are thinking of what our brains are made up of… our brains are pretty important, too.
For TWO, my middle name is Grey. And I’ve decided that I matter. This probably sounds conceited. Does it? Let me explain…
Once again, it’s been months since I’ve written a blog. I suppose time management has something to do with this. So does self confidence and not being sure what to say. Hey Lou Writes started as something completely different. It started with an entirely different version of myself. Just to name a few things…
I was …23…married…growing most of my own food…raising chickens…not at ALL musical…& entirely, 100% sure of my future…
I’ve been asking myself lately, “How did my life become what it is?”
That’s not to say that I’m unhappy. But every once in a while I feel absolutely confused as to how each day passed… and here I am, living this life.
I am…25….divorced….without a garden….playing banjo and singing…starting over…& entirely, 100% unsure of my future….
I’ve been known to say, “I can’t wait for my life to begin.” It was once I realized that MY LIFE IS MY LIFE– there is no waiting for it to begin; this is IT- that I could put together some more coherent thoughts and begin a new journey. I could say the “D” word out loud. (It was actually harder for me to type it than to say it.) I could wake up each day with hope again, knowing that not all was lost. I could look in the mirror and like what I saw. I realized that maybe, just maybe, the things I’ve gone through could help other people who might be going through their own life struggle. I know I’m not the only person who has had a curve ball thrown their way.
The reason why I put a picture of myself beside a sign that says “Beautiful,” is because A) it’s important for women (and men!) to always remember they’re beautiful, inside and out, B) it reminds me of the summer, July to be exact, when I went on walks every day, made a new best friend, and was discovering myself, by myself, for the first time, and C) there was a time when I couldn’t look in the mirror and be okay with what I saw.
This isn’t a fishing game and this isn’t meant to shock the reader. I’m telling you this because it was a real psychological problem that took months and months, and a little bit of counseling, to get through. Body image and self confidence is something most people struggle with. About a year ago I found myself in a very deep and dark spot, not sure where I was going in life and not sure if I’d ever really be happy again. I stopped blogging for the most part… stopped writing almost altogether. Creativity and expression are for those willing to be vulnerable, and I closed myself off to anything that would make me feel more vulnerable than I already felt.
This time around I have a goal to blog more, because I dearly miss it. I’ll share with you what I’ve accomplished in what has become the BEST and WORST year of my life. This includes playing music on stage for the first time, posing nude in two life changing photo shoots, making friends who truly mean the world to me, spending my first enjoyable “alone time” with myself, dating, being loved and learning what that scary and important word means, learning how to be my strongest and most honest self, and reminding myself of the “Old Lou”…the one who told her readers to wake up with a smile, because even if it’s fake, eventually that smile will become real.
Hey Lou has changed, I’ve changed, and the new version of this blog, The Grey Matters, will be about those grey areas in life and learning to start over completely…mind, body and spirit.
You’ll hear from me again!
December 26, 2014 at 7:07 AM
So happy to see your blog again. 2015 will be a great year for living, loving and writing.